Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The Olympian is in my bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
