Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
