I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
