I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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