I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
