While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
