I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
