I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
