how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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