i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
