Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
