You can't motorboat a personality
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
