At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
false alarm. still invincible.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
