K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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