Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
