What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
