Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
NoShamevember. You game?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
