Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
