I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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