A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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