how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
