the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
