Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
