That's intense
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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