she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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