I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
