I bet he comes in French.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
