my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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