GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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