i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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