so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
