What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
