OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
