You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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