That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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