I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
