he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
