So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
