Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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