bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
