:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
