just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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