Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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