i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
