508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
