I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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