We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
