He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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