That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
