And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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