dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
