oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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