hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
